Make a list of moments when you were afraid.

This is in no particular order, although I suppose I should arrange it chronologically, or in level of fear.

- When I lost the money to save Empire at the craps table.
- When Joe found out.
- That whole day, when I thought we would lose Empire.
- When fellow students would beat me up at school.
- When my mother would hit me, though that wasn't terribly often.
- When my mother left me at my aunt's house.
- When my mother left me with CPS.
- When Joe first took me in, which is stupid, because it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
- When Mark left my apartment after we kissed.
- When there's a big dog that looks like it wants to chase me, even though I'm a fast runner.

"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not." -Kin Hubbard


“Lucas! Lucas! Goddammit wake up! Lazy little-”

“Yes, mother?”

She was pounding on his door, hard too because he’d just installed a new lock on it and she was going to have a fit over that but he needed the lock. Lucas crawled out from under his sheets, hair tousled, eyes blinking back sleep.

“Why aren’t you awake? Get your lazy ass up.”

“It’s Saturday, mom. I don’t have school.”

“I don’t care. Get out of bed, we’ve got things to do today. You’re going to go stay with your Aunt Tammy while I run a few errands.”

Lucas was at his door by now. He unlocked it slowly, so she wouldn’t hear the click, and opened the door just a crack, poking his eye out to look at her, standing there in her bathrobe, hair pulled back, cigarette permanently lodged between her two fingers on her right hand.

“I can stay here if you want.”

She laughed at that. “Not after last time.”

Lucas wasn’t quite sure what she was referring to. When he was left alone (and it was often unexpected, she’d just leave and forget to take him with her) he always made sure the house was impeccable upon her arrival. It was the only thing to do, really, since they didn’t have a television. He’d tune her old radio and set about cleaning, sometimes the kitchen, sometimes the living room, sometimes the whole house, depending on how much time he had.

“Now come on let’s go. We’re leaving in ten minutes, get your shit.” She slammed the door shut from her side, and he heard her shuffle down the hall.

Lucas put together a backpack with a few books to read and a change of clothes, because you just never knew. One time he’d been left at Aunt Tammy’s for three days before his mother had come to collect him again. He’d gone to school in the same outfit each day, and gotten more than enough teasing for it to last him a lifetime. Ten year olds were vicious about such things. Now he came prepared. He could at least mix and match the shirt and pants with the ones he had on, and hopefully no one would notice.

He didn’t have a cd player, his mother wouldn’t buy him one. But he packed the old am/fm radio walkman that Dale had given him. Dale was mom’s boyfriend in between Scott and Richard. He’d liked Dale. He’d taken him to ballgames and to throw a football around, all things Lucas had very little interest in. But he’d taken an interest in him, and that was enough for the boy.

He couldn’t find a clean pair of underwear. Lucas hoped the Laundromat was one of the places his mom was going today, though he doubted it because usually she took him with her. He liked to sort and fold and put the quarters in. Oh well. Wear what he had on and hope he didn’t get hit by a bus.

He was ready in ten minutes. She was ready in thirty. Lucas waited patiently on the chair by the door, because if he wasn’t there, ready to follow on her heels as she walked out, she’d yell at him. He didn’t like it when she yelled. He felt bad, like he’d let her down. He didn’t like to upset his mother. So when she walked past, cursing about missing her keys, he handed them to her, she took them, and they walked out of the house, Lucas only a few steps behind her.

The drive to Aunt Tammy’s took a little over 15 minutes, and his mother talked the whole way. About work, and some blonde bitch who was trying to undermine her, about David (he was three after Richard) and the date they were going on that night, about bills that needed to be paid, and her hair that needed to be done. Lucas listened attentively, but didn’t speak. He knew from her tone of voice when it was good to chime in. Right now she was venting. He may as well have not been there. She would have said all of this out loud to an empty car. She smoked three cigarettes, and Lucas watched in the rearview window as the lit stubs bounced off the car and along the pavement.

“I’ll be back at five-ish to pick you up,” she said when they pulled into the driveway. She didn’t get out of the car. Lucas nodded and slung his bag on his shoulder. “Love you baby.”

“Love you too, mom.”

[OOC: Backdated to yesterday when it was ACTUALLY Mark's birthday. Lucas, unlike his mun, is thoughtful and attentive about such things. He also has knowledge about music stuff that his mun does not, so hopefully this is a good gift.]


Left in the backroom at Empire Records for when Mark clocks in.

Record Player Turntable

With a note:

Mark,
Happy Birthday. Thought you'd enjoy this. Everything sounds better on vinyl. If you want, on a day we're both off work, we can go looking for new records. My treat.

-Lucas

[Takes place the day after this RP.]

It's okay if you mess up. You should give yourself a break. -Billy Joel



Usually Lucas was excited to see Mark at work. While his music choices were not always complimentary, he was always cheerful, kept both customers and staff in a pleasant mood, and was eager to do his job well. Lucas liked these qualities. They made work even more fun than it already was.

But today he was glad Mark had school, and he was opening with AJ and Berko. He had left so suddenly the night before, and things would have been too awkward had they met face to face so shortly after. Lucas gathered that Mark needed time to collect his thoughts, figure things out. And Lucas needed the same, really. He should not have taken the initiative, kissed him the way he did. That had been risky, inappropriate, and all those other things Joe had, at one time or another, accused him of being. The stubborn part of Lucas (which was a pretty big part) insisted that Mark kissed him back, and he wasn’t so entirely blameless for the event. But he could not control his friend’s actions. Just his own.

AJ told him he looked distracted, and Lucas insisted it was because he hadn’t had much sleep and was tired. AJ offered to cover his spot for awhile so he could go lie down, but Lucas declined. AJ was always a good friend that way. He considered for a moment confiding in his friend, but he knew that Mark may do the same, and he didn’t want to put AJ in the middle. Besides, maybe Mark didn’t want anyone to know. Lucas shook his head a little, trying to clear it.

Was Mark just his friend? Lucas knew he wanted them to be more. He’d known it for awhile now, known by the little excited flutter in his stomach when he found them working side by side at the register, or sorting cds in the back room. The way he paid such close attention to every gesture or word Mark said, trying to determine a meaning behind them. The way he was so quick to defend him should another staff member accuse him of messing something up, or slacking off while working. He just didn’t know when it had switched over.

He sorted cds by himself, shooed off some people making out in a listening booth, and helped a few women find cds they were looking for. When the new shift started, Deb came in, and he avoided her because she was just as intuitive as he, and he didn’t need her figuring things out on her own. Mark never showed. Lucas couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the back door, or ducking into the back to see if he’d clocked in and not said hello. Lucas didn’t know which would be worse.

When Joe offered to take him out after work for a bite to eat, Lucas agreed. He wasn’t quite ready to go home and stare at the ceiling by himself. It was just better with Mark beside him.

[takes place after this RP]

1. Clean up the mess in the living room.
2. Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.
3. Mentally sort through paint colors.
4. Replay the night in my mind.
5. That's not helping the not sleeping thing.
6. Go to the bathroom.
7. Lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling.
8. Makes it even worse.
9. Go back to bed.
10. Create a shuffle list for work tomorrow in my head.
11. Finally fall asleep.

Nothing I can do about the dreams though...

Make a list of your favorite things to smell.

-Coffee brewing in the morning. Joe got me a new coffee machine with a timer on it so coffee can be ready as I'm waking up. Very nice.
-Gasoline when I'm filling up my bike.
-The plastic casing on cds.
-Whatever Gina's new perfume is.
-Pizza.
-Chinese food.
-Someone has a new shampoo, I just don't know who it is. If I walk up and stick my face in your hair, I'm just seeing if you're the person with the nice smelling shampoo. That's all.

Things to do for New Years tonight.

-Work until 9.
-Stop by the grocery store to pick up chips, dip, and soda.
-Call Joe to specify which types of chips, dip, and soda.
-Drive to Joe's.
-Deliver chips, dip, and soda.
-Avoid watching the football game.
-Watch the ball drop.
-Help clean up.
-Go home. I don't need to stay over.